Anal Intercourse: a View from the Bottom

Both men and women, regardless of sexual orientation, can receive sexual pleasure through stimulation of the anus.

You can explore this on your own by sliding a lubricated finger into your anus while in the shower, on the toilet, or during masturbation. In fact, the tight anal sphincters should be stretched this way, by slowly sliding in one, then two, and perhaps three fingers, before you are penetrated by a larger dildo or penis, so that you can get used to the feeling. Otherwise you may be tense and unprepared, and intercourse may be uncomfortable or painful, at least at the start.

The anus does not possess as many glands as the mouth, penis, and vagina, so you will need to use a lubricant. Petroleum jelly (Vaseline) is ideal for self-exploration, and silicone-based lubricants provide the most slipperiness, but water-based lubricants are safest for use with condoms, because they don't weaken the material. Stay away from soap and lotions, which can sting and irritate the mucosa.

The most important principle, when you first try anal intercourse, is to go slowly and relax. The firmer the penis (or dildo), the more easily it will go in. You should try to push out with your anus against the head of the penis, rather than instinctively squeezing in. You may want to sit on your partner in order to have the most control over the angle and pace of the penetration. The anal sphincter is slightly narrower from side to side than from top to bottom, and penises tend to be flatter from the top surface to the bottom, so you might find it easier to be penetrated while lying on your side with your top leg pulled up towards your chest and your partner striding you perpendicularly.

Rates of pain during anal intercourse among women have not been studied. A study of men who have engaged in receptive anal sex (as a “bottom”) found that one quarter almost always experienced some pain, though it was usually mild or transient and partly related to anxiety. There are two anal sphincters, and the pain often occurs when the penis is partly in and reaches the deeper sphincter, taking both partners unawares. So go slowly until the penis is all the way in.

During your first experiences with anal penetration, you may feel uncomfortably like you are about to pass gas, because that is how the sphincters usually interpret the sensation of being stretched. You will get used to it. For hygienic reasons, you should defer being penetrated in the ass if you have a full sensation in your bowels, and some people even use a saline enema to empty their bowels before sex. After anal intercourse, some mucous and lubricant may be smeared in the crack of your buttock, and you may feel like you need to go to the bathroom.