Blue Balls

If a man has been sexually aroused for some time and does not reach orgasm, he can develop a painful, congested feeling in his lower abdomen and testicles, commonly known as “blue balls.” Surprisingly, this phenomenon is almost completely ignored in the medical literature. Because there has been little medical investigation, we can't be certain whether the discomfort comes from venous congestion or from the build-up of seminal fluids.

Some consider blue balls a myth that young men use to pressure their girlfriends into sex. I'm sure the complaint has been used for that purpose, though there is really no excuse, since the discomfort is easily and safely relieved by masturbating to orgasm. But some people have a personal or cultural belief that masturbation is sinful or that it depletes masculine vigor. Of course, relief can also come in the form of a "wet dream" in the early morning during REM sleep, when men naturally and involuntarily develop an erection.

Have you ever experienced blue balls? Take the poll to the right.
Whether or not you suffer from blue balls, you may be able to get away with some naughty behavior with friends or roommates with the excuse that you are "horny" and "need relief." Most young men can sympathize. In fact, it may have been the idea of getting off with your pals that got you into a hard place to begin with.

Circumcision

About three-quarters of men in the United States are circumcised, slightly down from a peak of 80% fifty years ago. Rates are highest among white men, while only two-thirds of African-Americans and half of Latinos are circumcised. In no other country in the world are men circumcised at birth so routinely, unless for religious reasons. Circumcision was once thought to prevent boys from masturbating and becoming morons. Though that Victorian myth has been debunked, three-quarters of American mothers still consider a circumcised penis more visually and sexually appealing and more hygienic and request the procedure for their newborn boys.

The foreskin of uncircumcised men cloaks the head (or glans) of the penis in the flaccid state, often covering it completely like a drawn purse, except when it is manually retracted. The foreskin is like a cuff, with skin on the outer surface and a pinker mucous membrane on the inside. This inner surface is similar to the mucous membranes of the lips, vagina, and anus. When the penis is erect, the foreskin unrolls over the lengthening shaft, and the penis becomes virtually indistinguishable from a circumcised penis, except that the unrolled portion may be moister and pinker.

Medical journals continue to debate whether circumcision (or “male genital mutilation,” as some refer to the practice) affects sexual functioning in men. The foreskin contains specialized sensory nerve cells that detect vibration and motion, and glands which secrete lubricating fluids during sexual arousal, and these would be lost during circumcision. The head of the penis is probably more sensitive in uncircumcised men, because the mucosal surface turns into normal skin if the foreskin is removed. But it has been difficult to scientifically prove any difference in sensitivity, or whether greater sensitivity is good (easier to arouse) or bad (more tender) for uncircumcised men. Also, men with intact foreskins can accumulate a greasy white substance, called smegma, though this is rarely noticeable and easily cleaned. A number of studies have shown that men who are circumcised as adults are generally happy with the results, and circumcised men may have more oral sex, more anal sex, more frequent masturbation, and less sexual dysfunction.

There is no objective medical or aesthetic reason for prefering a cut or uncut penis. For most men, the choice was made for them by their parents. Otherwise, it comes down to personal preferences one might have in a partner, if one cares at all. Which do you prefer? Take the quick quiz to the right.

The Kamasutra

Since I refer to this blog as a “kamasutra,” I should give a shout out to the original, which was written seventeen hundred years ago by the sage Vatsyayana in what is now India. The Kamasutra was written for metropolitan playboys in pursuit of women, and it catalogued a variety of sexual practices without judgment. A fascinating and authoritative translation by Wendy Doniger was published in 2002 and is now available in paperback (the following quotes are from her translation).

Vatsyayana was well aware of the bisexual potential of men and women. The description of oral sex between men is among the longest and most ecstatic descriptions of a sex act in the entire book (which is saying something). Vatsyayana describes eight stages, from the initial placement of the lips on the head of the penis to the swallowing at climax. He reports men “who care for one another’s welfare and have established trust do this service for one another,” though oral sex was more commonly obtained from a masseur. A commentary by the scholar Yashodhara goes further, describing how men “take one another, in friendship, and give one another the sensual pleasure of ejaculation. They say, ‘You do it for me now, and I will do it for you later.’ Or both of them do it at the same time, by turning their bodies head to foot, losing all sense of time because of their passion.” These Indian sages were referring to men who were otherwise straight and interested in sex with women.

The same commentary by Yashodhara’s also describes oral sex between women: “Certain women in the harem, unable to get any tools, trusting in one another, excite one another with their mouth on the vagina.” Vatsyayana also describes how sexually unfulfilled women in a harem would “give pleasure to one another with the following techniques. They dress up a [girl] like a man and relieve their desire with dildos or with bulbs, roots, or fruits that have that form. They lie on statues of men that have distinct sexual characteristics.” Again, these were not lesbians in the modern sense but women who were otherwise expected to enjoy sex with men.

See also my posts on Sex Among South Asian Men and Bisexuality among Indian Women in Flexuality.

Penis Size

The size and appearance of the penis varies considerably from man to man, and from soft to hard. You cannot always predict the size of an erect penis from its flaccid state: a penis that is thick and long may become harder but not much bigger in erection, and some tiny penises can become surprisingly large when aroused.

Men tend to be concerned about penis size, much more so than women: the largest recent internet survey found that only half of men were satisfied with their penis size, while almost all women were satisfied with the size of their partner’s penis. A smaller Croatian study found that more than half of women consider penis length and girth only somewhat important, while another quarter found both features unimportant.

Broad and reliable surveys of penis size do not exist, but a number of small studies suggest that most men have a penis that measures approximately 4.5 to 6 inches (12 to 15 cm) when erect, measured across the top surface from the juncture with the pubic skin. Since erections are not easily elicited in clinical settings, some researchers measure the stretched but flaccid penis, which provides approximately the same results.

There is probably some truth to racial stereotypes about penis size, though the scientific data is lacking and there is a wide range of individual penis sizes within any group. Pornographic films tend to depict men of African descent with large penises and East Asian men with small penises, but these actors may be selected precisely because of their desirable stereotypical attributes. Penis size also tends to correlate with body size, which may partly explain differences across racial groups.

Two studies have found evidence that men who have sex with men have larger penises than those who have sex exclusively with women, though the significance of the findings are debatable. The more recent of these studies also found that gay men with smaller penises were twice as likely to be the receptive “bottom” during sex compared to men with larger penises, which presumably reflects cultural expectations about masculinity and sexual roles. The same stereotype plays out in pornography, where large penises are featured and, in gay porn, where the larger man usually “tops.”

Men, are you satisfied with your penis size? Take the poll!

Anatomy of a Blowjob

I assume that readers of this blog are not completely inexperienced in the sexual arts, but some of you may have more confidence with one gender or the other. Knowledge is power, so I'm inaugurating a series of posts called Sex 101 that will describe the details of sexual intercourse.

Men and women have similar mouths. For the purpose of this post, the inside of the mouth is best described from the perspective of the penis. During oral sex, the penis is gripped by the lips and tongue as it slides against the slippery hard palate at the roof of the mouth. The muscles of the cheek create suction, and the penis may find itself sliding between your gums and cheek, or it may head straight to the back of the throat, in which case it pushes against the soft palate and tonsils.

The pressure against these fleshy structures typically triggers a gag reflex, which is designed to protect you from choking on food. If you want to “deep throat,” or take a penis deep into your mouth, you must learn to suppress the gag reflex by concentrating on relaxing the muscles at the back of your throat. This is not difficult, at least if you have a patient partner. (And unless you're giving a quickie in an alley, what partner wouldn't want you to take your time?)

A penis will also block your airway if it is thrust deep enough, so be sure to come up for air periodically.

The inside of the mouth is rich in salivary and mucous glands that secrete slippery liquids which help us digest food, and these glands are also triggered by any probing of the mouth during deep kissing and oral sex. Deeper penetration to the back of the throat causes the release of the thicker, more mucous fluids. Saliva mixes with your partner’s sexual secretions during fellatio, creating a slick and salty film that tastes nice and makes sex more comfortable (the same is true during cunnilingus).

What kind of blowjob do men prefer? It's a matter of taste and anatomy, so you'll have to experiment with your partner to see if he prefers the tightness at the back of your throat or the teasing licks of your tongue. The head of the penis is very sensitive, especially in uncircumcised men, so gripping the shaft in your mouth may be more pleasant than directly sucking the tip.

If a man ejaculates while his penis is deep in the back of your mouth, some of the semen may go down your throat or up into the back of your nasal passages, which lie directly above the soft palate. Most of the semen will remain in your mouth and can be spit out or swallowed, according to your preference.

There is truth in the old joke that, like dogs who lick themselves, we would all go down on ourselves if we were limber enough to do so. Surveys show that the vast majority of men would like to be given a blowjob. Many consider fellatio a form of making out rather than sex, and an otherwise straight man may feel comfortable getting a blowjob from another man and consider himself a lucky bystander whose sexual orientation is not called into question. But there is a double standard, and the "cocksucker" is often assumed to be gay. This is silly and fundamentally sexist; neither the giving nor the receiving of a blowjob is intrinsically more heterosexual or homosexual. Both are highly enjoyable.

An obvious question to ask in this forum is, who gives better blowjobs, men or women? Take the quick poll in the column to the right and let us know what you think.